Life Happens

I have not posted here in awhile again, I guess its because life happens. I remember why we all used to have a journal that you would keep by your bedside so you could write your thoughts at any minute. I will try to use this more often as I know it can be a valuable tool for me. Since I wrote last a lot has happened, like life!! Steve was drinking again and entered a relapse prevention treatment center. He has completed that now and is home working hard on continuing his sobriety. All of this has been very hard for me. Since the last day I wrote I spent the very next day in the ER all by myself with the exception of the hour that Lori sat with me.  Thankfully that awful UTI that did not want to go away finally did.  I try not to worry to much what kind of effects having the infection for so long and being on antibiotics for so long could have had on the baby. I move forward to this week.  Caley has been having a real hard time with everything lately. She seems to cry all the time. This kills me. What can I do for her? I just don't know. Mom seems to think that it would be best for her if she goes to school some where else next year. But how can we do that? I want to help her! Besides that my emotions have been everywhere, I have no control over my life at all. I have so many issues to deal with and I can't get away from them for even one minute. I love my family and I am so grateful for them, I just need my own space to deal with my life! On that note, I have to get ready to go see the dr. Til next time!

I know I have not written much in a wile and I promised to update, however today I just feel like writing.  I have been battling a UTI now for just about four weeks and it is not getting any better.  Not to mention my emotions are all over the place.  Lately I have been having trouble in every aspect of my life.  Caley, Steve, Mom & Dad!!  I just feel like I do not even have a moment of peace.  I wish I could feel good about my life and I just do not know how to.  I feel that I'm being pulled down into the darkness and I just do not have the strength to fight back and get out of it.  I'm so worried about everything and I feel like there is nothing that I can do about it.  I have no control over my life at all.  Steve worries me everyday, is he telling the truth? Is he drinking again? How can I live this way? I feel like I can not even breath right now.  I wish there was one thing in my life that I felt was in complete chaos.  Maybe it's this blog.  The place that I get to sit and pour it all out there.  Also, my friend is very sick in the hospital and I can not go visit her again because it would be unsafe for me and the baby.  I need to go now and figure this out. Thanks for listening.

The last few weeks.

On Monday February 6th I went over to Steve's house and took a pregnancy test.  It came out positive very quickly.  For a moment I couldn't breath or speak.  I sat with Steve in complete silence for about 5 minutes.  Not knowing what was going thru his mind at the time, I was silently thanking God for giving me this baby. In the fall when things were real rough for Steve & I, I had prayed to God asking if we were meant to be that he would show me some way. It didn't happen then and I was going to give up on Steve forever, which I know some people would have loved!  I tried to let go of him and tell myself that my life would be better with out him.  It was very hard to do, obviously because that was not Gods plan.  After we sat there in the quiet I said hey guess what? You are going to be a dad!!  He let out a big breath and said yeah I am.  Not as enthusiastic as I was, but still had a little excitement in there.  My phone then rang and it was Colleen, I asked her to get me a test from her work, even though I already took one.  I did not tell her yet that I knew.  Steve wanted to wait a little bit.  His parents were out of town so we were spending the week at his house.  Later that day when I went to pick Caley up from school, I just couldn't contain myself anymore so I told my friend Jolene. She said she would not tell anyone until we were ready for everyone to know.  The next day I told Colleen, Mom & Lori.  Now this is the part that gets hard, Steve did not tell his parents when they came home from vacation.  I was really upset and hurt by this.  Finally after two weeks, he told his mom.  But he didn't tell her that we knew for two weeks, he told her that he just found out!  I was ticked!  Not only did we know for two weeks, we had already seen the Dr and had an ultra sound were we saw the heartbeat!!  I thought wow, I guess he really is not happy about this is he? Oh well I am not taking it back now!  It took another two weeks before he told his dad, and that is the extent of people he has told.  I'm still very upset by this, obviously because here I am telling the free world and he hasn't even told his Aunts or Uncles or cousins!!!  However, I move on!  Steve is working this week, which is the best news we have had in a long time.  Also, my lawyer is working hard on my disability case.  I am truly hopeful that everything will work out.  So like I said my count has been bouncing around a bit but staying in pretty good places.  Dr. M has said that she will remove my spleen if my count drops below 30K.  I am very much against this!  The MFM, which stands for Maternal Fetal Medicine, says that it is safe to have the surgery done during pregnancy, but would like to try something else first.  I can see this being a crazy battle!  I pray that I will not need to deal with it at all!  I have my second  UTI of this pregnancy and I am worried there is something wrong with my Kidney.  I am having pain in my back and waiting on a call from the doctor.  However, that is not the only thing that is weighing on me today.  One of my very good friends from grade school is in the ICU.  Please pray for her today.  I love you all and I will write more again soon!

I know, it has been awhile.

I have not written anything thing here in awhile, mostly because of the news of my pregnancy that I was not ready to share with the world just yet!  This last six weeks since I have written last has been a very interesting time for me.  Obviously as I just mentioned I am pregnant! Steve & I are full of every emotion there is lately!  I have been feeling ok just a little quesy and having headaches.  My count has been fluctuating a bit here and there.  But as my last post read they had doubled in the month of January from 57K to 103K.  My last count was last week and it was 94K, I am going in a little bit to have them checked again.  Right now I am trying to orgainize my thoughts better to tell the story of the last six weeks, I will get back to this later!!

Things are looking up!

So on Friday I had my mom wash my hair which was pretty fun!  Caley & I went to Sports night at the middle school. I spent the time talking with Beth who I haven't talked to in a minute!!! After that we went to drop off our cookie order form at the cookie moms house, she wasn't there.  Gina was there to drop hers off as well so we chatted a bit.  With the car running and the fuel level very low light blinking at us, we drove to the lanes to meet up with mom & dad & Coll.  Becki was there so I told her the whole Steve saga & then we left & it was snowing!!!  We went back to the cookie moms house to drop off the cookie order form & chatted for about an hour.  I had a nice time chatting with her.  Caley & I then came home & I watched a little tv then off to bed.  Caley had her first basketball game on Saturday & they played pretty good! The score was 8-6 and they lost.  The poor little girl on our team shot the ball as the timer sounded and it went in but they did not count it.  After that we started our day of running around, which then would turn into a terrible day for me!!  We went to lanes for breakfast & my sister decided she woke up on the wrong side of the bed and she didn't care, she was going to be mean Colleen for the day!!  LOOK OUT!!!!  She was done being mean by the time breakfast was over!  Then mom, Caley & i went to pick up my child support & then to the music store to rent Caley a violin.  Yeah if I didn't mention Caley was playing the clarinet & decided to switch to the violin.  So we had to go rent one.  Then we took mom home & then back out to Claires to shop for a birthday present for her friend.  I told Caley I did not want to spend much money & that I could not afford to buy her anything.  I really hate this, you know going into a store with your child & not being able to get them even a $3 bottle of nailpolish.  But I did, I caved and bought her that nail polish along with spending more then I wanted to.  SO now we are on our way back home and I tell Caley that since we only get $50 and we just spent $35 we do not have money left to go any where else.  She was sad and sorry that she asked me to spend so much, I was sorry too!  Colleen texted & wanted us to come over and hang out, we had time to kill so why not!  At Coll's I watched her do her workout, because it was way too difficult for me!!  She is doing awesome & working so hard! I left to bring Caley to her party & I figured I would hang out & chat with some of the other moms.  I sat around for a bit just watching the kids play and chatting with some of the moms.  Our cookie mom was there & grabbed me and said I have to give you back the checks you gave me for cookies.  While I was talking with her and another mom I see Caley come out of the gym to get a drink.  The party was at the gym & the girls were divided into four teams & given t-shirts to designate there team color.  I saw some girls also had markers and were writing words on other girls shirts.  This is when I noticed Caley who was now on her way back to the gym, the back of her t-shirt said "KICK ME"!!  I asked Caley who did it & she told me, she didn't seem bothered by it.  I was glad for that but really starting to get angry about it.  One thing that have to mention has to come back to ITP.  I was on Prednisone, steroids, from December 16,2010 to July 28,2011.  Then again from October 19,2011 to January 4,2012.  The steroids do a lot of bad things to you, one thing that most people don't think about is the mood swings.  I didn't experience I sat this mostly until when I was off of the steroids.  I have a real hard time lately controlling my moods.  I tend to go from happy to sobbing in a matter of minutes.  Laughing to screaming in a flash!  It is not fun!  I went home & talked about both things with my parents & really got more worked up by doing that.  I went back to pick up Caley & I asked the birthday girls mom if she saw what happened & she said yes and that the girl did it to several other girls.  She was just joking & trying to be funny.  I am glad that I did not say anything to her parents because I was still real upset about it.  I asked CaleyCaley was not.  I just wanted her to know, I am sure the girl was just trying to be funny & not mean, it was just misinterpreted by me, who is a crazy person because of Steroids!!!  Also I was thinking about the whole check thing & I thought how could I tell these people that my troop does not want there checks because they are afraid they will bounce.  SO I sent an email to the cookie mom saying that I did not feel comfortable asking these people to take there checks back because they think there bad checks.  This started a snowball effect that finally was resolver yesterday!!  Let the emailing begin!!!  Sunday I got up & sent Caley to CCD with Val & I went to 1st Church.  I signed Caley & I up for a mother daughter devotional based on purity.  It is called the princess & the kiss.  SO far it is real nice & I love the time that Caley & I are spending together talking.  I was at church until 2 and then I was headed home.  I talked to Val who had taken Caley & Eve to go door to door in our neighborhood to sell cookies.  It did not go well.  I got home & found an email from the cookie mom to call her, I did and got no answer. Colleen & I went to Dominicks to get a few things & that is when she called me back.  I know this is the internet & it is open for all to see so I will try not to say much more about this other then I felt like this problem was with me and only me because of who I am.  After talking to a friend on Monday night I did realize that I was over the top with taking it personal so I tried to let it go. Later that night I had an argument with my mom & decided I need to get out of here!  That is what I am working on now! Earlier on Monday I received an email from our troop leader citing the policy from the cookie handbook, saying not to take checks from customers.She also said that they will take the checks and to bring them back to the cookie mom.  I did & she was waiting for me with a copy of the policy in her hand.  I had decided at this point that I wanted to call someone from the girl scout office to clarify this policy.  I called & left a message for one lady & then called back & decided I needed to make sure I was getting to the correct person, so I ended up leaving a message for another lady.  She called me back within an hour.  She told me that it was fine to take checks that are written to Girl Scouts just not the troop.  Ok so all cleared up now, the problem wasn't that they couldn't take the checks, it is just that they did not know what to do with them.  On Tuesday I decided to send an email to the lady that my leader spoke with.  I told her how I felt that this was a personal issue & that they deal with me different then everyone else. I also spent the day cleaning my room, it felt great to get some things done! On Wednesday the lady I left a message with on Monday finally called me back.  She had received a copy of my email and was tyring to explain everything to me.  You see I understand the need for a safeguard to ensure that the troop won't have to pay bank fees, it was just never explained.  No one ever said do not take checks for cookies or make sure they are written to Girl Scouts & not the troop.  With that said I told the lady that the situation had been taken care of and that they were going to take my checks and deposit them with the troops cookie money.  She said they can't do that if they are written to Girl Scouts, and I was like I don't know but they are, have a nice day, bye!  So I was on my way to Dr.M for my monthly blood draw & check up.  I hadn't eaten anything yet because I was in a hurry out the door.  I had my blood drawn & I felt very dizzy & my legs felt like jello.  I sat for a bit & the girl got me some water until I felt I could walk again.  Dr.M had a student who came in first and asked me just about everything.  Then I waited & waited & waited!  Dr.M came in with the student & asked the student to tell her about me.  It was interesting because at first she presented it all wrong & Dr.M stopped her & made her start all over.  Anyway my count is UP 103K!!!!!  So awesome!!  Dr.M asked me what has been going on any problems.  So I told her my arms have been getting tired real fast lately.  I have had to stop & break twice already while typing this.  She is sending me to a neurologist to see if there is another reason for the arm weakness.  Today was an ok day just getting a few things done for dad.  I got a crib from down the street for Lori! Now I have to go!  Til next time!

Lots to say & not enough time in the day to say it!

Where to begin, I don't really know! Caley went with my dad to the daddy daughter dance, they had a great time & looked awesome!!  Steve & I officially broke up today & amazingly enough I feel good about it.  I was sad & cried a bit but I just have this feeling of calm throughout me.  Today I went and had that horrible skin tag removed off my back & I am so glad!!  It will be biopsied & I will know what it is in 7-10 days.  I have to have my mom wash my hair for me because I can't get my back wet, this should be fun!!  Sold a ton of girl scout cookies!  It should be a lot of fun getting to visit with everyone while delivering the cookies!  I have made a new friend who is the best!  You know who you are!!  I'm so glad we are friends!  Real tired lately!!  Denied for disability again. Not really sure what to do next.  Job search has begun but it is very discouraging when I am falling asleep at my lap top!  Well got to go have mom wash my hair!  Love you all!

I have had enough!

This thing called ITP sure has done something to my life!  I don't even know where to start.  Tuesday Steve & I had the worst fight we ever had in our whole eight years.  I can't even tell you what it was about because I don't really even know myself.  Besides my problems with Steve that have become unmanagable since I have been sick there is not one thing in my life that is not messed up some how or some way because of this stupid thing!  For a long time all I ever wanted was to live like a normal grown up person.  Has that been too much to ask for? Maybe!  Maybe because my whole childhood I was a spoiled brat and did not handle dissapointment so my mom would just give me whatever I wanted so I wouldn't be upset. I am still that spoiled little brat today and that is why I am typing and carrying on about it!  I want so much more out of my life and this ITP is holding me back.  I know that I need to be positive and I need to try harder but I just have never been that way.  When you go threw life always getting what you want there just is no other way.  At 32 years old, how do I stop that way of thinking? How do I get out of here and make something of my life? Somedays I feel that it is never going to happen that I just have to suck it up and be thankful for what I have.  I mean I truly am thankful that I have a home to live in and food to eat and electric and internet and heat and I could go on and on of the neccesary stuff that I do have.  Also, I am not in as bad of shape ITP wise as some others are.  I have not been in the hospital since October & I have not had any major critical type issues with my ITP.  I thank God every day for those things.  But I guess I need to thank other people every day.  I need to thank my parents for letting us live here.  I need to thank all my family and friends that have helped take care of Caley when I was too sick to do it myself.  I need to thank my doctor and all the people at the hospital for everything they have done for me.  I need to thank my therapist because without her I surley wouldn't be here today.  I have to thank all the ladies in bible study for praying for me all the time.  And even if I do all that and I try real hard I just don't know if it will change anything.  Will it make me happy?  Will it give me a chance to leave here?  I pray so hard everyday that something changes inside of me and I stop feeling this way.

Another wonderful weekend

Friday the 13th was a pretty uneventful day, nothing special at all!!  Saturday Tebow took on the Patriots and lost but I was still real proud of the efforts he put in.  Not to mention the fact that while we are watching playoff football we are discussing our faith and our beliefs!!  Amazing most people think that Tebows thing is that God made him a great football player to win games and championships.  However I have now seen in my own home what God wanted for Tebow and that was for all of us to have faith and have conversations about it.  I thank God for that.  I was disappointed that they lost and now I will be baking Steve cookies for loosing the bet, but I will never forget what it all meant to me.  Yesterday was Loris shower and it was a great time!  Kudos to Carol for putting together a great party!!  Lori got many great and cute things, I know there is plenty more that they will need and I hope they can be ready when Warren Cole Jones makes his arrival!! I pray for a healthy and safe delivery for both him and Lori!  I can't wait to meet him!  Today Caley & I had dinner with Elise who we haven't seen since her wedding on October 1st.  It was great catching up and just being out of the house!!  However coming home tonite and finding a problem in the toliet again was not what I wanted to deal with this week.  Hopefully it's just nothing, but we will see!!  If you need to get a hold of me, my phone is off, so email me at my new email address julieryan411@gmail.com or if you have the house number call it!  I hope to have a phone before the week is over!  Till next time, keep the faith!

January 6-12

This week was pretty uneventful, no more prednisone, feeling pretty good and things are going well with Steve.  By some miracle the Denver Broncos beat the Steelers and advanced in the playoffs and will play the Patriots on Saturday.  Tim Tebow is the big talk right now, a lot of people don't like him very much, but I have liked him since his sophomore year at Florida.  I read his background and found out that his parents are missionaries and he was born in the Philippines while his parents were there missioning.  He is real religious and thanks God in ever post game interview.  I guess that bothers a lot of people.  I think its great!!  So I am routing for them to go all the way and beat the Packers if the Giants don't do it this weekend!!  Today we had our first snow storm of the winter, not as much as predicted but there is still more on the way, we will see!!!  This week is the last week of my soap opera One Life To Live, I have been crying alot about it!  Also I have been working real hard to get this done and I feel great getting it done!!  Till tomorrow!

Time to write it all down

A few days ago I was reading a fellow ITPers blog and decide to make one of my own.  I tried to do this a bit on facebook but got away from it a bit.  I'm going to go back and journal in everything from the first day.  I was diagnosed with ITP on December 16,2010.  ITP is a rare blood disorder that affects your platelets.  During this year I have had many ups and downs, close battles with death, and a new sense of what life is really about.  I can't wait to go back and relive this last year one more time with all of you.  Until later, Julie

January 1-4 2012

On the 1st I woke up not feeling really good I figured it was just from being out side a lot the night before.  But on Monday I really didn't feel good I could hardly swallow so I decided to go in to Immediate Care to get seen since the doctors all had the day off for the holiday. They did a rapid strep test and it was negative, however the doctor looked in my throat and said it was real swollen and red so she put me on antibiotics.  At this time I am at  2.5 & 0 every other day and I was to take my last dose on the 3rd!!!  On the 4th I saw Dr.M and my count was at 57K so we are back on watch and wait.

December 2011

On the 1st I saw Dr. Egan and he said that I should start taking the Lorazapam again, I said I would think about it.  I told him that Steve & I made up but things were still unsteady.  On the 3rd I went with Caley to school to decorate Mrs.Oskrobas classroom door for her student council assignment.  We decided to make a tree out of the small trees with the kids pictures on them.  It was a lot of fun!  Sunday the 4th Caley and I got up a little late and headed out to St.John.  At 55th & Wolf I get pulled over and I was thinking what did I do?  I wasn't speeding I didn't do anything wrong.  The officer comes up and tells me that my right tail light is out oh and your drivers license is suspended!  I was like what?  Back in June Steve & I got stopped and I did not have insurance then so he got a SR22 thing and we bought insurance.  The officer said that it said financial reasons so I figured it must have had something to do with that.  He asked me if I had someone that could come pick us up and I said sure I would call my dad.  He said OK let me see what I can do for you.  SO I called my dad and told him and he said he would be there soon.  The officer came back and asked when he was going to be there and I said soon, I asked if he could just follow me up the road to church so I could drop Caley off and he said no I cant do that, I'm actually supposed to be arresting you and towing your car.  SO I said OK and thank you so much for not doing that.  He went back to his car and then another one pulled up behind him, he then came back and said we are going to go to the police station.  SO I followed him and his partner followed me.  We went to the police station and Dad came to get us.  The officer said Dad could take Caley to church but I could not leave yet.  I guess I'm arrested.  Dad, mom & Caley went to Dominicks and I was printed and had my mugshot taken.  Luckily for me this officer was so mice not to have done this in front of Caley, he also gave me an Ibond so I didn't have to pay bail.  He gave me my tickets and said my court date would be the 3rd of January.  I asked him if he thought Steve's would be suspended too and he said probably, I also asked if I could drive and he said no way!  SO dad came back and got me and we went home.  Caley & I had to go to her cousin Anthony's birthday party at the park which was good because I also volunteered to work the door at the winter wonderfest at the middle school at 2.  So mom dropped us off and we had a good time.  Its nice to see Bills family and for Caley to play with her other cousins.  The winter wonderfest was awesome and then we went home in enough time to see the bears lose.  On the 5th I went and had my blood taken at Burr Ridge it was 29K.  On December 7,2011, Pearl Harbor Day, I was supposed to have Rituxin but Dr. M had canceled it.  I had made Caley's 6 month dentist appointment for this day and I had to have mom drive us.  David was crabby that we couldn't pick him up and that made mom crabby and she was fighting with me.  Lately she had been fighting with me all the time because of the fact that I took Steve back.  I told her that I didn't care what anyone thought or what Steve did or didn't do because I knew that I did not want to be with out him.  The 8th was Davids 13th birthday!!  On the 10th he had his birthday party at the indoor water park hotel in Elmhurst.  I took Caley for a bit and then we went home.  I forgot to mention that mom & I went to the insurance guy and they told us to go to the DMV to find out what was up.  We took Steve with us as well to find out if his is suspended too.  They checked and said mine was for SR22 violation and Steve's was fine.  SO back to the insurance guy and they took care of the SR22 thing.  On the 12th I got a letter from the Secretary of State saying that I could drive again.  However I also got a letter saying that my court date was actually the 23rd of January.  Friday the 16th was my one year anniversary of ITP and that is when I started to put all of this together to put on paper.  On the 18th the bears played the seahawks and lost it was now evident that our season was over.  Also Dr. M said I didn't have to see her again until the 4th of January but to get a count checked on the 21st.  I decide to go on Monday instead of Wednesday and my count was 47K.  I got to go to down on the prednisone to 5 & 2.5 every other day.  Christmas came and went without any issues other then kids fighting again!!  LOL!!  The bears played the packers on Christmas night and we had hoped that we would be able to beat them by some miracle but we couldn't.  New years eve we had Carol & the Du and kids over and also Brian and Grace who have moved back to the neighborhood, since him and Jackie were splitting up.  We had a great time and I was so glad to be starting the new year with Steve!

November 2011

The week of Halloween week was the worst week of my life!  Steve & I fought like crazy and broke up on Friday after he had a problem at work, working for Colleen.  On the 2nd I went to the dentist and had the one tooth fixed, I also saw Dr.M that day my count was 49K but she decided that I should try Rituxin again.  On the 3rd I saw Dr. Egan and he upped my Buprion to 300mg daily.  I was having a real hard time dealing with fighting with Steve & being worried about having Rituxin again.  On Saturday the 5th, Steve came over to pick up all of his things from the house, it was really over.  I was so mad at him and he was being such a jerk to me and that was when I noticed a hickey on his neck!!  Really!!!  WTF!!!!  I told him I was going to tell his mom that I think he is drinking again and he said don't go anywhere near my moms car.  So I got in my car and drove away!  I was pissed and should not have been driving.  I drove around for a bit until I cooled off.  Becki was texting me asking if I was OK.  I was not!  She invited me to go with her to this thing at Bourbon Street next Friday so I said sure why not.  On the 8th I went in to have the Rituxin again, the nurses in the day hospital all remembered me from my brush with death back in February. My count that day was 20K.  They gave me Tylenol and benydryl and we got started nice and slow.  After the first hour it was time to increase the speed a bit.  After about ten minutes my throat got a bit tight and I felt like I could not swallow so mom got the nurse and the stopped the drip.  She gave me a shot of benydryl and waited for about 20 minutes then we started again and it was fine from then on.  On 11/11/11, Veteran's Day, we went to school for the program which is my favorite thing about Pleasantdale.  That night I went with Becki to the ladies night at Bourbon Street, it was a great time!  I drank way too much and ripped a t-shirt off a stripper!!!  On the 15th I went in for round 2 of Rituxin my count had gone way up to 108K, it went fine and we were home in time for Caley.  Caley & I baked Pumpkin bread that night.  My prednisone was lowered to 10mg daily.  I had my count checked at Burr Ridge on the 19th and it was 118K.  I have to mention that at this time I am not speaking to Steve or I should say he is not talking to me at all!  I was a mess, I cried all day and all night, I could not imagine not being with Steve ever again, but I felt like it had finally happened and we were over forever.  On the 18th I got a call from Colleen saying that J.J. called her and said that Steve was in the hospital in a diabetic coma!  She also mentioned that he said that Steve's girlfriend was asking him to get Steve's mom's phone number.  Great I'm in a terrible state of mind and now I have to worry about him too.  I call J.J. and get what he knows from him and then I call Loyola.  Steve picks up the phone and I was like are you OK and he said sorta and then he was like how do you know I am here.  I told him J.J. called and said his girlfriend wanted his moms number.  I was like you have a girlfriend and he said yeah.  I was heart broken and I hung up.  Glad that he wasn't in a coma, it turned out that he had pneumonia and not a diabetic problem.  I was crushed anyway and I thought it was never going to get any better. I have to mention that a few months back I decided that I wanted to make amends with Melissa, so I had made plans for her to come over tonite and talk.  It was real good and I think it was something I really needed to do.  It was a very powerful lesson in forgiveness, I never thought I could do.  Sunday the 20th proved me right, I wake up and go to the bathroom to then find blood in the toilet, and no it was not that time of the month yet.  I called Dr.M and go her answering service and left a message about what had happened.  I was told way back in the beginning to watch for this but it had never happened so I didn't know what to do.  They said go to the ER and have it checked out.  Great now I would be in the same building as Steve & I had to do everything I could not to go and see him, who was in ICU by the way.  The ER was so slow that day and we were ignored a lot because I was not really in an emergency situation.  They finally came and took my blood.  I decided to call Steve & tell him I was there in the ER, he was worried about me.  I love him so much and really wanted him to say that I should come and see him but he didn't.  Mom got mad at me for talking to him so she left and went to get food.  The Bears were playing the chargers at 3 that day so weren't missing the game.  They came back and my count was 118K so we got to leave and I was told to make an appointment with Dr. Reiger ASAP.  The bears won the game, however Cutler broke his thumb that day, we were on a win streak!  If we only knew that was the end of our season! Anyway on Monday the 22nd we went for Caley's PTC and met with Mr.Brade, Ms.Spetter, Mr.Woltman & Mr. Durkin.  I remember telling Mr. Durkin that I didn't think that Steve & I would ever be together again.  We talked about it with Caley to make sure that she knew it was not her fault, she knew that, just checking though!  I saw Dr Rieger on the 22nd to talk about my problem which I had happen again on Monday but not on Tuesday.  I was still very sad about Steve & I had a real hard time even talking to Dr.R about it.  He was really concerned about my emotional issues not so much the blood probelm.  I said I was seeing my therapist twice a week as long as the psychiatrist next week.  I saw Dr.M on the 23rd and my count was 84K and got to lower the prednisone to 10 & 5 every other day.  She also wanted to do two more rounds of Rituxin and I was like OK I guess.  We went to the circus that night and it rocked!!!  Thanksgiving came and went with no major issues, other then fighting kids!!  On Friday the 24th I sent Steve & email telling him about how much I love him and need him in my life and that I was ready to let him go as my boyfriend but not as a friend.  I told him that I needed him in my life becasue he had become my best friend and was there this whole horrible year.  He got out of the hospital on the 23rd.  I didnt do much shopping that day becasue I just wasn't feeling it.  On the 26th I invited Steve to come over and hang out, I thought I could handle just being his friend but all I wanted to do was grab him and hug him and kiss him until he said everything was going to be OK.  I have to mention also that I started going back to church with Erin to bible study on Wednesday nights and going to church on Sunday everyweek since my October trip to the hospital.  I had been praying like crazy telling God that I wanted him to make Steve come back to me.  That night when I had Steve over I had went up to go to the bathroom and I prayed to God saying I am going to try and kiss him unless you make me feel like I shouldn't.  I went back downstairs and I grabbed him and he said no do not kiss me.  So I guess that was my sign to not do it.  I was resigned to the fact that we were not meant to be together and I need to get used to being just his friend.  On the 27th we go over to Dennis & Erins for Molly's birthday, the bears are playing the reaiders with Caleb Hanie as the quarterback!!!  Oh boy are we in trouble!  But we won!!!  That night Steve called and said he wanted to hang out again and I was like OK.  On the phone he said I love you, I was like wow that came out of no where!  He gets here and I am outside and he says I have a surprise for you and he walks up and grabs me and kisses me!!!  I melted!!!  I was so happy!!  I know it doesnt fix any of our problems and still today they are not fixed but i dont really care!!  The 28th was the time of the month again and it was OK nothing bad at all.  I was set to have more Rituxin on the 30th but Dr.M emailed me and said that we were not going to do it.  It was a wild ride this month thats for sure!!

October 2011

October 1st I woke up not feeling real great since I over indulged the night before at April & Joe's wedding, I actually got into bed all dressed up!!  But I pressed on and got ready to go, I went and picked Caley up from Lori's after she did both or our hair, we were off to see Elise get married to Rudy.  I cried so much it was such a great ceremony.  Steve & I went to the reception and I was not feeling real great.  They had the coolest thing that I had ever seen, a candy table!!  So we snacked on chocolate covered pretzels while waiting for dinner.  We had a good time but left a bit early because I was not feeling good.  I saw Dr. M on the 5th and my count was 23K, again we were doing nothing but waiting and hoping that it doesn't fall any lower.  On the 8th I went to the dentist for a toothache I had all week.  I had asked Dr.M if it would be OK to have dental work done and she said cleaning was fine but nothing extreme.  He just looked at it and didn't do anything to it, just said to schedule an appointment to fill the one tooth and we will look at the other one. Which is a tooth I cracked over a year ago.  On the 10th  Steve started his new job at the landscaping company.  That night I had a melt down again and totally lost my mind again!  Colleen took me to Loyola and they sent me to Glen Oaks Hospital in Glen Ellyn.  It was a very scary experience and I never want to go back there again.  My count was checked at Loyola before I left and it was 35K.  At that hospital the doctors were not concerned about my medical condition at all, strictly focused on the mental.  I can't blame them that is what they do.  I met some nice people and some really crazy people while I was there.  I wanted to go home so bad it hurt! The NLCS and ALCS games were on that week so at night when no one was watching the TV I put baseball on.  The one girl thought that since there were no guys in the room at the time that no one was watching the game!!  Oh well, thanks Steve for the love of baseball I have today!!!  The doctor there wanted to start me on a medicine called Celexa and I asked if they had checked to see if it would lower my count, because I had already talked with Dr.M about this and she said to make sure of that before I start anything.  SO I told the nurse that I wasn't going to take it unless they could tell me it was safe, she said OK I will tell the doctor you refused it!  I was like wait a minute don't try and keep me here any longer by saying that I'm refusing, I just want to make sure it's safe.  SO that night I saw the doctor and he looked it up and it said there could be a bleeding risk if taking that medicine!!!  Really so you want me to take it when I am in a hospital that is not giving me any MEDICAL attention?  He agreed and started me on Buprion, wellbutrin.  I got to leave the hospital on Friday the 14th!!  I was so happy to be out of that place and never look back!  I will never forget it for the rest of my life, which I plan to live for a long time now!!  I saw Dr.Egan on the 20th and he increased the dose of the Buprion to 150mg daily.  I started seeing my therapist twice a week at this point. On the 21st we went to the Halloween Hop at Pleasantdale for the last time since next year she will be in middle school. I had a great time hanging out with the fortune tellers!!  And Caley, David, Nina & Eddie went to the cake walk and won lots of goodies!!  On the 26th I had the absolute worst period of my life.  I was terrified something bad was going to happen to me because I was bleeding so much.  I called Dr.M and she had me go in the next day to have a count done it was a big whapping 12K!  They called me and told me I had to start on 40mg daily of prednisone and if the bleeding got worse I was to go to the ER.  I saw Dr.M on the 28th and my count was up to 14K so she said that she was going to look into what the next option would be, because I was against spleenectemy.  On Halloween on the way to see Dr.M I was on the phone with Steve and he was very emotional.  Not quite sure what his deal was that day but I kind of thought he was being ridicule's.  I saw Dr.M and my count had come up to 35K so we are lowering the prednisone to 20mg a day and waiting to see what happens.  Mom & I picked up David & Lola and headed to Pleasantdale for what would be the last Halloween parade that we would be going to.  I was holding Lola in my jacket because it was cold out.  The BFD came over and told me that we could not have the dog at school.  I was like sure like we are going to leave now.  The parade was over and I took mom, Dave & Lola home.  I went back and chatted with Jolene until the kids came out.  We got home and Caley wanted to go down to NinasCaley this year, but it was better this way because I could not walk that much any way.  I came home and waited for Steve to get here, he had been working at McCormick place today.  I called him at 4:40 when he still wasn't here to see what was going on and he said the traffic was bad and he would be here as soon as he could.  At this time I was sitting at home by myself because mom even after having a fight with David took him over to his cousins house.  At 5:45 Dennis called and said that they were on there way over and I was like really you are?  I had no clue they were coming over, but I was so happy that they were.  I called Pat to see when they would be back or if I should come get Caley and she said they were on there way back.  I then called Steve to see where he was and he said he was at home!  I lost it!  I look back at it now and realize it was so stupid to get so mad about this, but the steroids messed with my head so bad that I couldn't be rational.  I told him to go f himself and not bother coming over.  That was the beginning of a very terrible week for me.  I also have to mention that the St. Louis Cardinals won the World Series.

September 2011

I realize on the 1st that I would have been married for ten years at this point and I was so glad that that didn't happen!!  I was able to stop one of my medications that I needed to take to help with the prednisone.  On the 7th I saw Dr.M and my count was 23K it was also curriculum night and time to meet Caley's new teacher Mr.Brade.  There are some new curriculum changes this year so this time it was way different then it had ever been any of the other years.  A few things i forgot to mention that happened over the summer.  First, Caley was adventuring out a lot on her own going for walks looking for someone to play with and she found Nina!  They quickly became best friends and spent lots of time together!  Also, Steve started working for Colleen as a greeter at the airport and he was helping coach David's football team.  That Friday the 9th was the welcome back event for school at the roller rank and I took Caley and Nina and David.  They had a great time and I spent time chatting with Jolene and Missy.  On September 11, 2011, the ten year anniversary of the tragedy in New York, Mom, Dad, Steve & I went to DA BEARS home opener against the Falcons.  It was really warm out that day and I was not prepared for it.  I wore pants and had on a black hat to block the sun.  I overheated pretty quickly, at half time I was just about done being there in the heat.  So Steve & I went to find first aid.  The person at fan services said to find the paramedics in the aisles.  We found them and they put me on this furniture dolly chair thing and I was real scared.  When I was diagnosed with ITP all they kept telling me was don't fall down.  SO you can imagine how nervous I am being 345 pounds now at my biggest, and these two guys are wheeling me fast down thru a crowd.  They kept telling me it was OK that they were fire fighters and they could handle it.  We got to a set of steps and I was like oh no I am getting up you are not going to take me down the stairs like this.  So we get to first aid and I tell them all my medications and about my ITP and she is like why are you wearing a black hat?  I don't know I didn't think about it.  They take my blood pressure and its high like it has been and then my blood sugar and its fine.  So she says well how do you feel?  I said not bad I just needed to cool off.  SO we hung out there for the whole third quarter, oh and the bears were kicking ass!!  Then we walked back, well part of the way anyway.  I decide I wanted to stay where we were because it was closer to the exit then where are seats are.  Steve went and got mom and dad, the game was over we won!!!  The next day was my first major mental break down.  I had a fight with Steve because I asked him not to talk to JJ but he did anyway and a whole bunch of other bs!  I lost my mind and banged my head pretty hard.  I went to the ER my count was 47K and they did a CT of my head and it was fine, I went home.  On the 13th I had my annual female exam and everything there turned out fine, thank God like I needed any more problems!  On the 22nd I saw Dr. Egan and he upped the medicine he gave me to 3 times a day, at this point I wasn't taking it all the time because it made me real sleepy.  On the 24th I went to the demo without Steve because he didn't want to go.  The orange crush lost and were not the champions, the black team was.  However the chicks demo, in honor of breast cancer, was awesome!!!  They did a great job!!  On the 30th I had my follow up with Dr. Klamut and he said that my stomach should get better soon.  That night my friend April from grade school got married, Steve & I were fighting on they way there so I decided to get real drunk.  Maybe not the best idea but i had a great time and there was no problems because of this.

August 2011

I saw Dr. M on the 5th and my count was 23K we decided that since I'm not having any bleeding problems right now that we are just not going to do anything to treat at all.  At this time summer is starting to wrap up and we are thinking about school.  We got this wonderful letter in the mail from the Superintendent sating that we needed to fill out this ridiculous thing called a student residency affidavit.  I will see if I can scan it and put it on here so you all can see how out of hand this thing is.  It also said that I needed to provide documentation that proves that we do indeed live here with my parents.  Not only that but my dad and I had to go in for a "sit down" with Dr. Friedisdorf, the superintendent.  I went with Colleen & Steve to gather the documents we had to take Colleen to the DMV so she could change her address since she moved to Brookfield this month and she would need documents to register David.  After that we went to the courthouse to pick up birth certificates and we were off.  I had to copy the information pertaining to Caley in my divorce decree and also we needed the tax bill and two things with my name and address on it.  SO at our "sit down" with BFD we will call him for short, first of all we got there about 5 minutes early and his secretary was not even there yet.  SO he lets us in himself and is all flustered and doesn't know where he should sit down with us.  Um I called and scheduled this about two weeks ago, you are the one requiring me to do this, why so unprepared? Anyway, we sit down in this office at a table that he had to clear off so we could use it and he had to bring in another chair for my dad.  I hand him the documents he briefly glances at them and says thank you for coming in I'm sure this is all fine.  He reaches his hand out to shake mine and I'm like really all that trouble and your not even going to look at it? My dad is not satisfied and has to give him a piece of his mind. He told him that he felt that he was profiling me and the other 8 families that had to fill this out.  Just for those of you that don't know we live in a good district where money is not a problem for the school and there are at least 400 families if not closer to 500 in the district.  SO you could say that my dad had to be on to something since they only choose 8 out of 400.  I mean there has to be more families then that in the district that have different living situations then whats normal.  Anyway we were getting ready to go after Dad gave the BFD a bit of his mind, and I was like um are you going to copy that stuff because you can't keep it.  And he was like oh yeah and by this time his secretary had shown up so he called her to come and take it and copy it.  And we left, I was mad at the process but didn't really care because I know that I was not doing anything wrong.  Later that day I went to the Burr Ridge Lab and had my blood taken it was 30K.  On the 17th I went to the school board meeting and told them how I felt about what they had done to me and the other 8 families was not right.  At that meeting they discussed the residency requirements and what things they should do in the future.  Our school board is so messed up that they could not come up with an idea that they could all agree on so the decision was to not do anything about it and keep it the same.  SO that means I will have to do this all again next year.  On the 18th Steve's grandma passed away she was 88 years old.  I don't get a long real well with his parents so I am not looking forward to spending a lot of time with them.  The 19th was the wake and we were there for 8 hours.  And you would never guess who showed up but none other then Brian Voyles, which I forgot to mention in July that he went missing for three days and we were about to start a search party for him and then his wife found him in a bar.  Steve was glad to see Brian and we heard some of his side of the story.  The 30th was the funeral and it was a real gloomy day.  When we left the church it started raining and didn't stop.  I have to mention that we were riding with Steve's parents and it was complete silence the whole ride.  At the cemetery it was pouring down rain and we were waiting for them to put her in the mausoleum, not even going to try and spell the correct!!  After getting poured on lightning was striking so we got in the car and waited.  We got to the restaurant and there was no power.  It was actually really sweet to have lunch by candlelight.  However there was no light in the bathroom when we got there since they didn't put a candle in there, so that was fun!!  Caley went with Dennis & Erin to the demo and the Orange Crush won the trophy!!  Peters first trophy since who knows when!  He was real happy!  The 25th was the first day of school for Caley

July 2011

On the 2nd of July I had yet another trip to the ER because my stomach was killing me.  I also had a real bad ear ache.  They did a ct of my abdomen again and everything was fine.  I think my count was 38K then and I was doing 5 & 0 every other day of the prednisone.  The doctor gave me a script for ear drops and we were on our way.  We stopped at Walgreens on the way home since it is a holiday weekend I figured we should just get it right away.  I asked the girl how much it would be and she said the ear drops were $130.00!!  I was like why are they not covered? She said it was coming up that I am not covered at all for anything.  Great now I have something else to deal with!   On Sunday Pleasantdale did there fireworks and we decide to watch them at the splashpad park for a different view.  I saw Melissa Lantro there who I haven't seen since Nicks wake in October of 09.  We chatted a bit but I needed to sit down so I said by and call me sometime and that was that.  I was feeling a bit better come Monday so we went with everyone up to Pell Lake. Steve, Caley, Colleen, David, Mom, Dad, Matt, Lola & I all went up to see the fireworks on the lake.Lola is Colleen & Davids Chihuahua puppy, she was born on May 6th!  She was so cute playing in the sand but she did not want to swim even though David made her!  She has become a major part of this family now! At this point I was taking the prednisone 2.5 & 0 every other day.  On Tuesday the 5th Mom, Steve & I went back to public aid to straiten out the problem with my health insurance. My caseworker said oh sorry I just put you back on today.  OK but I asked is everything going to be covered since I was in the ER on Saturday and she said yes.  On the 6th I saw Dr. M and my count was 34K, I had written in my book that I had a test at the hospital that morning but I don't know what it was.  That may have been the gall bladder test and I mixed it up with something else!  On the 8th I went to the Rhuemotologist and she said she was happy with the progress that I was making with the Physical Therapy and that she thinks I'm doing well and don't need to work with her.  On the 11th I took my last dose of prednisone, I thought forever but I was wrong!!  On the 14th I saw Dr. Klamut at the main building and that was when they officially declared my stomach to be inflamed from the steroids.  He gave me some samples of aciphex since my protonix was not covered and it was too expensive to keep buying but I couldn't afford to be on nothing.   At this time I am totally off steroids and the joint pain has begun, its not so bad since I am doing PT but I have also been taking advil again all the time.  I go back to see Dr. M on the 5th of August.

June 2011

On the first of June I had my first accident since having ITP.  It wasn't a big deal really. Steve was starting the grill and wanted me to sit by him so I put the chair on the bottom of the deck by him and went to sit down, but my chair slid back and over the edge of the deck.  I crashed and hit my head on the ground, I did not black out and I was not bleeding, but since this was the first time anything like this happened I figured I better call my doctor.  I talked to the on call doctor and she said that I should go in and have a CT on my head done to make sure there was no internal bleeding.  I did not want to spend the whole night in the ER so we went to the new Burr Ridge immediate care in hopes they could help us.  Since I just had my count checked yesterday they said OK we will do your CT here.  However they had to call there tech to come in so we waited about an hour and a half.  I was a bit nervous it was my first time going in head first, but the CT is open so its not so bad.  They ran the test and it was fine so we went home.  Since we had the big snowstorm in February we had two extra days of school and the last day was moved to the 6th.  I had made Caley's 6 month dentist appointment for that day thinking that there would be no school.  I picked Caley up early and headed out to Homer for her dentist appointment.  Caley's teeth are all good!  That afternoon I saw Dr.M and my count was 37K so again I got to lower the prednisone to 10 & 2.5 every other day.  The weather wasn't all that great so even though the pool was open we hadn't been swimming yet.  On the 8th, Caley's 9th Birthday, I went and had this gallbladder scan done because I was having a lot of stomach pain.  It was a long test where you have to lay still they inject you with radioactive dye and then they put this scanner on you and you have to wait until your gall bladder lights up on the screen.  Then they have you drink this stuff that's like cream and then they watch what happens.  I guess it was OK.  On the 10th I saw Dr.Klamut the GI Dr for the first time in the Burr Ridge office, he ordered and EGD for me, which is the down the throat test to look in the stomach.  I called to schedule that appointment and the soonest they could get me in was the 16th.  On the 11th I had Caley's party at woods pool, the weather was still really cool so I moved the time of the party to daytime in hopes it would work out better. It went OK, the kids all swam and had a great time.  However it was a lesson learned and in her 9 years of life we had one too many outside birthday parties that the weather didn't cooperate.  Those of you that know me well enough can remember Caley's first birthday and how awful the weather was that day!!!  Anyway it worked out OK but this year we will do something different, Caley is already planning it!  On Monday the 13th I went to the ER with horrible stomach pains.  They started by doing an ultra sound of my appendix and it was fine.  So then I had to drink that barium stuff and have a CT of my entire abdomen done, and that was all fine.  They had given me something for pain and decided to admit me.  My count was 31K and I was doing 10 & 0 prednisone every other day.  I stayed in the hospital for three days on the 14th they decided to do my EGD.  I was really nervous about it as well.  I got brought down to the room where they do it and they are giving me all the instructions.  Lay on your side and try to relax.  My IV was in my left arm kinda in the crook of my elbow so I couldn't bend that arm.  They decided to leave the arm rail down so I could keep my arm strait.  The Dr sprayed some bad tasting stuff in my mouth and said that this is to numb my throat.  Then they attached some stuff to my IV and that is all I remember.  They woke me up and said OK we are going to take you to your room now. I have to mention that I didn't have anything to eat on Monday before going to the ER and then they would not let me eat.  Once I got upstairs I asked for food even though I was told I couldn't eat and I got a turkey sandwich.  In the morning all I was able to have after my test was liquids.  That night I had Steve bring me a sandwich because I was starving!!  My stomach was still hurting a lot and they were giving me pain medicine for it.  On Wednesday i got to go home, which was good because I had my first Physical Therapy appointment that afternoon at Burr Ridge.  I met Viki my PT and she was awesome, we decided to do 6 weeks 2x a week.  Also I forgot to mention before the EGD my count was 27K so they gave me platelets before hand.  Which was the first and only time for me so far.  My count was still at 27K when i left that day.  I saw Dr.M on Monday the 20th and my count was 48K we lowered the prednisoneEGD came back that my stomach was swollen from all the months of steroids, I was put on this medication that helped it feel better.  I was scheduled for PT on the 21st but I felt too lousy to go.  On the 22nd mom & I went down to the public aid office because I had gotten a notice saying that my coverage was being canceled, I saw my case worker and she said it was going to be fine.  I had PT on the 24th and it felt real good, still hard to move around but its getting a bit better.  On the 27th I saw Dr. Reiger and had my blood drawn there in the Burr Ridge office, finally!!  The count that day was 32K. On the 28th it was an eventful day!  Steve took Caley downtown for her birthday gift a day at the taste a long with her first Cubs game!  It also happens to be the day that Caley's cousin Delaney was born not to mention her other cousin Samantha's 20th Birthday and my parents 36th anniversary.  I had PT and went to the pool for a bit.  The summer was off to a cool start but had finally started to warm up a bit!

May 2011

May started with the school year coming to end very soon we were ready to think about summer.  Since I was sick in February I was unable to get us a sponsor for our coed softball team so this would be the first summer not playing Willowbrook softball but that was OK because it is also the first year that Caley will be playing in BRW Softball league!  Caley was on the Heat that was coached by Brian Bailey, the team was made up with mostly Pleasantdale girls ranging in grades 2-4 since it is the 8 and under league and Caley did not turn 9 until June.  There were two girls from Gower on the team as well.  It was so much fun to watch them learn about softball and relieve a bit of my youth with them, even though I was just watching.  I was still having a hard time moving around but I had been feeling OK, still not sure where I was at with prednisone but on the 11th my count was at 38K.  That night we went to Midway Airport for the Honor Flight that was sponsored by LT.  I had to have mom push me in the wheel chair again because I still could not walk much and didn't know how far of a walk it would be and if there would be somewhere to sit. It was so amazing to see all the people there, mostly all the kids from the local junior highs.  Unfortunately our school did not participate in this fundraiser.  The high school band and the choirs were there to cheer on the veterans as they came home from there day in DC.  As they came down I made myself stand with everyone else to cheer on these heros.  It was a great experience, thank you Gina for sharing it with us!!  On the 16th I saw Dr.M and my count was 44K and my prednisone was lowered to 10 & 7.5mg every other day, so I guess I had been on 20mg a day before this.  The 17th was Caleys first softball game and it was HOT!!!  Who would have thought it would have been 90 in the middle of May.  On the 18th Caleys brownie troop had there flying up ceremony, it was a little sad since the leaders that had been with them since kindergarten were handing the troop over to three other moms.  The old leaders made a dvd for the girls of pictures from the last four years of scouts.  It was so cute and it was set to girls just wanna have fun so Caley played it over and over again.  On the 21st it was the first demo of the year and Caley had a game that morning at 9am not to mention it was picture day so we had to be there at 8!!  We had a great game and the demo was fun as well, however Uncle Johnnys team lost in the first round and that was not fun.  On the 23rd I saw Dr.M again and my count was still at 44K so I went down on the prednisone to 10 & 5mg every other day.  On the 25th we went on the 3rd grade field trip with Pleasantdale and it was a gloomy rainy morning.  We got a late start leaving because there were not enough buses.  Traffic was terrible and it was taking us forever to get there.  The teacher got a phone call and then stood up to tell us that we would not be going to the Sears(Willis) Tower instead we were going strait to the Wendella Boat ride.  The boat ride was a lot of fun and actually very educational.  I learned things about the city that I never knew before.  I never knew that the white flag with the blue strips and the red stars was the Chicago flag.  It was a great time and I was glad that we went even though the weather was not all that great.  Softball was going well and the weather was weird because the hot weather left and we had cool temperatures.  On the 31st I had my count checked and it was 59K!

April 2011

On the first weekend of April Caley had another sleepover at Bills, I think this was the last one actually.  I was still not feeling real great but there was always a lot to do. On the 6th I had a very busy day I started my day going to Pleasantdale for Caleys IEP meeting.  For those of you that don't know what that is, IEP stands for Individual Education Plan.  Caley has this because she was originally classified as Developmental Delay however at the end of second grade we had to change the classification to Learning Disabled because she was too old to be considered a delay anymore.  The meeting discusses what things are in place to help Caley be a successful learner.  We discuss how this year has been, if she achieved her goals or not, and we set new goals for next year.  Its a long meeting and there is so much information and its hard to keep up with.  I was really tired after all this but I had to head over to Loyola for my appointment with Dr.M. I didn't write anything down about that appointment so I don't know what the count was or what the dose of Prednisone was.  However when I got home from there I had to pick up Caley and head back to school for Experience Elementary night, which is the bast by the way!!  We went and saw Caleys teacher Ms. Macek and saw all the great things the kids have been working on this year.  We walked around the school yes walked I was surprised that I could do this.  It was a real nice night.  At this time Steve & I had another fight because he didn't answer the phone or call me for three days so I figured he must have been drinking again.  He called me on Saturday the 9th saying he was in the hospital, which I figured confirmed the fact that he had been drinking.  He swore that he was not and that it was his diabetes that was the problem, his blood sugar was at a critically high level of 960!  I have to mention that Steve was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes back in the winter of 2010, it was due to his alcohol problem.  He was put on Metformin and was to watch his diet.  When we were in the dells for spring break he didn't bring his medication with him and then he stayed at our house for about a week before going and getting his medication, he says that this was the cause for the rise in blood sugar.  April 11th was our 7th year anniversary and we were not together because he was in the hospital and we were not talking.  I had my blood drawn on the 13th and my count was 69K, and David cheered!!!  Not sure what the dose of prednisone was at this time but breathing was still real hard.  I was scheduled to go to Loyola on the 14th to have a pulmonary function test and a lung scan.  The pft was a little scary you sit in this little box and breath into this machine.  The lung scan was weird too, they inject you with some radio active stuff and then raise you up high and then this xray type thing circles around you.  However they asked me for my LMP and I said it had been a while, so I had to go up stairs to the lab to take a test.  It was really screwed up up there and it took forever!  But it was negative and we had the scan done.  So Caley actually went to Bills for another sleepover on the 15th but was brought back in time to go to her friends birthday party.  After the party we went to the middle school to see Willy Wonka, it was great!!  That day my count was 65K.  On the 19th I met with the Endo Dr to see how things were going.  Not too bad but not any better really.  I also saw Dr. Rieger that day too not sure what for.  On the 20th I had my blood drawn at the new Burr Ridge Loyola Building and my count was 65K still.  My 32nd birthday came and went with nothing real interesting happening.  On the 26th I saw Dr. Fahey the pulomonologist and he said that my lungs are pristine!!  The month wraps up with nothing to write home about!