I know I have not written much in a wile and I promised to update, however today I just feel like writing.  I have been battling a UTI now for just about four weeks and it is not getting any better.  Not to mention my emotions are all over the place.  Lately I have been having trouble in every aspect of my life.  Caley, Steve, Mom & Dad!!  I just feel like I do not even have a moment of peace.  I wish I could feel good about my life and I just do not know how to.  I feel that I'm being pulled down into the darkness and I just do not have the strength to fight back and get out of it.  I'm so worried about everything and I feel like there is nothing that I can do about it.  I have no control over my life at all.  Steve worries me everyday, is he telling the truth? Is he drinking again? How can I live this way? I feel like I can not even breath right now.  I wish there was one thing in my life that I felt was in complete chaos.  Maybe it's this blog.  The place that I get to sit and pour it all out there.  Also, my friend is very sick in the hospital and I can not go visit her again because it would be unsafe for me and the baby.  I need to go now and figure this out. Thanks for listening.