Lots to say & not enough time in the day to say it!

Where to begin, I don't really know! Caley went with my dad to the daddy daughter dance, they had a great time & looked awesome!!  Steve & I officially broke up today & amazingly enough I feel good about it.  I was sad & cried a bit but I just have this feeling of calm throughout me.  Today I went and had that horrible skin tag removed off my back & I am so glad!!  It will be biopsied & I will know what it is in 7-10 days.  I have to have my mom wash my hair for me because I can't get my back wet, this should be fun!!  Sold a ton of girl scout cookies!  It should be a lot of fun getting to visit with everyone while delivering the cookies!  I have made a new friend who is the best!  You know who you are!!  I'm so glad we are friends!  Real tired lately!!  Denied for disability again. Not really sure what to do next.  Job search has begun but it is very discouraging when I am falling asleep at my lap top!  Well got to go have mom wash my hair!  Love you all!

I have had enough!

This thing called ITP sure has done something to my life!  I don't even know where to start.  Tuesday Steve & I had the worst fight we ever had in our whole eight years.  I can't even tell you what it was about because I don't really even know myself.  Besides my problems with Steve that have become unmanagable since I have been sick there is not one thing in my life that is not messed up some how or some way because of this stupid thing!  For a long time all I ever wanted was to live like a normal grown up person.  Has that been too much to ask for? Maybe!  Maybe because my whole childhood I was a spoiled brat and did not handle dissapointment so my mom would just give me whatever I wanted so I wouldn't be upset. I am still that spoiled little brat today and that is why I am typing and carrying on about it!  I want so much more out of my life and this ITP is holding me back.  I know that I need to be positive and I need to try harder but I just have never been that way.  When you go threw life always getting what you want there just is no other way.  At 32 years old, how do I stop that way of thinking? How do I get out of here and make something of my life? Somedays I feel that it is never going to happen that I just have to suck it up and be thankful for what I have.  I mean I truly am thankful that I have a home to live in and food to eat and electric and internet and heat and I could go on and on of the neccesary stuff that I do have.  Also, I am not in as bad of shape ITP wise as some others are.  I have not been in the hospital since October & I have not had any major critical type issues with my ITP.  I thank God every day for those things.  But I guess I need to thank other people every day.  I need to thank my parents for letting us live here.  I need to thank all my family and friends that have helped take care of Caley when I was too sick to do it myself.  I need to thank my doctor and all the people at the hospital for everything they have done for me.  I need to thank my therapist because without her I surley wouldn't be here today.  I have to thank all the ladies in bible study for praying for me all the time.  And even if I do all that and I try real hard I just don't know if it will change anything.  Will it make me happy?  Will it give me a chance to leave here?  I pray so hard everyday that something changes inside of me and I stop feeling this way.

Another wonderful weekend

Friday the 13th was a pretty uneventful day, nothing special at all!!  Saturday Tebow took on the Patriots and lost but I was still real proud of the efforts he put in.  Not to mention the fact that while we are watching playoff football we are discussing our faith and our beliefs!!  Amazing most people think that Tebows thing is that God made him a great football player to win games and championships.  However I have now seen in my own home what God wanted for Tebow and that was for all of us to have faith and have conversations about it.  I thank God for that.  I was disappointed that they lost and now I will be baking Steve cookies for loosing the bet, but I will never forget what it all meant to me.  Yesterday was Loris shower and it was a great time!  Kudos to Carol for putting together a great party!!  Lori got many great and cute things, I know there is plenty more that they will need and I hope they can be ready when Warren Cole Jones makes his arrival!! I pray for a healthy and safe delivery for both him and Lori!  I can't wait to meet him!  Today Caley & I had dinner with Elise who we haven't seen since her wedding on October 1st.  It was great catching up and just being out of the house!!  However coming home tonite and finding a problem in the toliet again was not what I wanted to deal with this week.  Hopefully it's just nothing, but we will see!!  If you need to get a hold of me, my phone is off, so email me at my new email address julieryan411@gmail.com or if you have the house number call it!  I hope to have a phone before the week is over!  Till next time, keep the faith!

January 6-12

This week was pretty uneventful, no more prednisone, feeling pretty good and things are going well with Steve.  By some miracle the Denver Broncos beat the Steelers and advanced in the playoffs and will play the Patriots on Saturday.  Tim Tebow is the big talk right now, a lot of people don't like him very much, but I have liked him since his sophomore year at Florida.  I read his background and found out that his parents are missionaries and he was born in the Philippines while his parents were there missioning.  He is real religious and thanks God in ever post game interview.  I guess that bothers a lot of people.  I think its great!!  So I am routing for them to go all the way and beat the Packers if the Giants don't do it this weekend!!  Today we had our first snow storm of the winter, not as much as predicted but there is still more on the way, we will see!!!  This week is the last week of my soap opera One Life To Live, I have been crying alot about it!  Also I have been working real hard to get this done and I feel great getting it done!!  Till tomorrow!

Time to write it all down

A few days ago I was reading a fellow ITPers blog and decide to make one of my own.  I tried to do this a bit on facebook but got away from it a bit.  I'm going to go back and journal in everything from the first day.  I was diagnosed with ITP on December 16,2010.  ITP is a rare blood disorder that affects your platelets.  During this year I have had many ups and downs, close battles with death, and a new sense of what life is really about.  I can't wait to go back and relive this last year one more time with all of you.  Until later, Julie

January 1-4 2012

On the 1st I woke up not feeling really good I figured it was just from being out side a lot the night before.  But on Monday I really didn't feel good I could hardly swallow so I decided to go in to Immediate Care to get seen since the doctors all had the day off for the holiday. They did a rapid strep test and it was negative, however the doctor looked in my throat and said it was real swollen and red so she put me on antibiotics.  At this time I am at  2.5 & 0 every other day and I was to take my last dose on the 3rd!!!  On the 4th I saw Dr.M and my count was at 57K so we are back on watch and wait.

December 2011

On the 1st I saw Dr. Egan and he said that I should start taking the Lorazapam again, I said I would think about it.  I told him that Steve & I made up but things were still unsteady.  On the 3rd I went with Caley to school to decorate Mrs.Oskrobas classroom door for her student council assignment.  We decided to make a tree out of the small trees with the kids pictures on them.  It was a lot of fun!  Sunday the 4th Caley and I got up a little late and headed out to St.John.  At 55th & Wolf I get pulled over and I was thinking what did I do?  I wasn't speeding I didn't do anything wrong.  The officer comes up and tells me that my right tail light is out oh and your drivers license is suspended!  I was like what?  Back in June Steve & I got stopped and I did not have insurance then so he got a SR22 thing and we bought insurance.  The officer said that it said financial reasons so I figured it must have had something to do with that.  He asked me if I had someone that could come pick us up and I said sure I would call my dad.  He said OK let me see what I can do for you.  SO I called my dad and told him and he said he would be there soon.  The officer came back and asked when he was going to be there and I said soon, I asked if he could just follow me up the road to church so I could drop Caley off and he said no I cant do that, I'm actually supposed to be arresting you and towing your car.  SO I said OK and thank you so much for not doing that.  He went back to his car and then another one pulled up behind him, he then came back and said we are going to go to the police station.  SO I followed him and his partner followed me.  We went to the police station and Dad came to get us.  The officer said Dad could take Caley to church but I could not leave yet.  I guess I'm arrested.  Dad, mom & Caley went to Dominicks and I was printed and had my mugshot taken.  Luckily for me this officer was so mice not to have done this in front of Caley, he also gave me an Ibond so I didn't have to pay bail.  He gave me my tickets and said my court date would be the 3rd of January.  I asked him if he thought Steve's would be suspended too and he said probably, I also asked if I could drive and he said no way!  SO dad came back and got me and we went home.  Caley & I had to go to her cousin Anthony's birthday party at the park which was good because I also volunteered to work the door at the winter wonderfest at the middle school at 2.  So mom dropped us off and we had a good time.  Its nice to see Bills family and for Caley to play with her other cousins.  The winter wonderfest was awesome and then we went home in enough time to see the bears lose.  On the 5th I went and had my blood taken at Burr Ridge it was 29K.  On December 7,2011, Pearl Harbor Day, I was supposed to have Rituxin but Dr. M had canceled it.  I had made Caley's 6 month dentist appointment for this day and I had to have mom drive us.  David was crabby that we couldn't pick him up and that made mom crabby and she was fighting with me.  Lately she had been fighting with me all the time because of the fact that I took Steve back.  I told her that I didn't care what anyone thought or what Steve did or didn't do because I knew that I did not want to be with out him.  The 8th was Davids 13th birthday!!  On the 10th he had his birthday party at the indoor water park hotel in Elmhurst.  I took Caley for a bit and then we went home.  I forgot to mention that mom & I went to the insurance guy and they told us to go to the DMV to find out what was up.  We took Steve with us as well to find out if his is suspended too.  They checked and said mine was for SR22 violation and Steve's was fine.  SO back to the insurance guy and they took care of the SR22 thing.  On the 12th I got a letter from the Secretary of State saying that I could drive again.  However I also got a letter saying that my court date was actually the 23rd of January.  Friday the 16th was my one year anniversary of ITP and that is when I started to put all of this together to put on paper.  On the 18th the bears played the seahawks and lost it was now evident that our season was over.  Also Dr. M said I didn't have to see her again until the 4th of January but to get a count checked on the 21st.  I decide to go on Monday instead of Wednesday and my count was 47K.  I got to go to down on the prednisone to 5 & 2.5 every other day.  Christmas came and went without any issues other then kids fighting again!!  LOL!!  The bears played the packers on Christmas night and we had hoped that we would be able to beat them by some miracle but we couldn't.  New years eve we had Carol & the Du and kids over and also Brian and Grace who have moved back to the neighborhood, since him and Jackie were splitting up.  We had a great time and I was so glad to be starting the new year with Steve!